Bubble Gum

Corporate politics...


I treat them like bubble gum.

You just have to chew it,

but you don't need to swallow.

Thank you (huli man daw at mabait, nakakathank you padin)

I welcomed the air coming out of the tube that was placed just right at the entrance of my nostrils. Just general anesthesia, I was told. I inhaled it like my sanity depended on it.

I hate pain. Despite claiming that I had high tolerance for pain after enduring fraternity rites, I’d still crumble in panic when pain is caused by slicing or anything that involves “going inside.”

A shot of another anesthesia (Demerol I think) through the butterfly cath port was supposed to make me asleep. They were ready to pierce through the spinal with a very large needle for another anesthesia when I said in panic, “I’m still awake!” Through the second shot of Demerol, I was still annoyingly humming. The third shot knocked me dead.

Five hours after, I woke up still feeling kinda woozy and unable to move the lower part of my body.

The procedure was really an easy one, my illness an embarrassing one. As such that I was not used to feeling so helpless and weak, I decided not to announce my current state – just enough to let the important people know that I cannot be at their disposal during that time. I’m supposed to be invincible, unbreakable, but I guess my mortal body just had enough of my pretense.

I’ve always loved being in the lime light. I’ve once complained that I didn’t get the right attention I wanted during my last birthday. But being sick is a different matter. I didn’t want visitors. None from my (extended) family knew that I was in the hospital. My dad alone was privy to my confinement. I insisted on him not telling anyone, but later on I was told that he texted one of my two uncle priests for prayers. My dad chose the one who was in conflict with all of the siblings. It was funny how my dad rationalized to tell the one who was not in speaking terms with everyone just to keep to my instructions. Dads. Secrets are safe with them.

And as such that I’m a crazy kid, I have even crazier friends. It was one of those times I wished they would not feel sweet and investigate where I am. I hadn’t had a decent bath, nor a clean shave, I was simply at my ugliest.

But the fates are quite humorous.

We are each the love of someone else’s life. 

Max Tivoli, Andrew Sean Greer.

To be blind of the care that people subtly display has been a trait I’ve mustered just to satisfy my eternal need (and flair lol) for the dramatic.

And as such that I once blogged that I felt not loved during my last birthday, it is but fair that I express my gratitude for drowning in it while I was sick.

The night of my still being paralyzed from the anesthesia, my bros erik and kuya dave came with a funny looking balloon. Two burly guys with a funny balloon – that cracked me up like crazy.

Next day, bset visited from his Boracay trip and we were snickering while carlo was there, sharing a secret. I didn’t want to tell him that I was hospitalized, ruining his beach trip, but he suspiciously asked before coming back home, as if one talkative little bird told him I was in a hospital.

Dam visited in the wee hours of the morn, luckily before my lactulose episodes. Church mates and officemates came during the night (we had to discuss back-ups for work left). D came and went like a hurricane leaving fruits (which at the time were the only ones I was willing and allowed to eat). Dak dropped by embarrassing me more by explaining my illness to Y (haha love yah dak!). Y, on the other hand, endured being the bantay of the most difficult patient there is.

And my last surprise came the next day when I got released from the hospital. Erik kept on stalling me from leaving the hospital early, saying he still has something for me.

Upon meeting Erik, he handed me a package boxed with a courier logo: an overseas package from kups. When I opened it, I saw a tin can filled with packs of my favorite freshly baked dark chocolate with pecan cookie from Famous Amos (my ultimate comfort food). And you don’t get that kind of package from elsewhere, just in Singapore or possibly Malaysia. It felt like Christmas and Kups was my Santa.

I asked Erik how much the customs charged to clear the package, but he just won’t tell. He simply implied that it’s possibly one of the most expensive cookies he has ever seen. Haha.

So there. This post is just to thank everyone who shared their time and effort when I needed it most.

We are each indeed the love of someone else, if not of so many. One just needs to look and see. We really do not need to seek happiness from elsewhere (or seek love from a hopeless place). We simply just need to look inside our homes and within our friends to know that we are indeed loved.

Know this, and maybe you’ll find the happiness that you seek. And maybe even contentment.

----------------------------------------------


P.S. My birthday’s coming near, I don’t need gifts, but I do need you to collect some school supplies for donation. More details to come in the next few posts. Stay tuned! I may need your help once more in this new project. Zaijian! Till next ish! :)

20 things I'd like to say to certain/"random" people

Gagaya lang ako muna kay madz. Ang dami ko din gusto sabihin sa kung sino sinong tao, kulang ang bente. Kung sumobra pasensya na, baka everyday may dagdag yan pag naalala ko. Pero ito muna:

1. Oist! Malapit na naman pasukan nyong dalawa, umayos kayo. 3rd year na. Kng di kayo makapasok sa UP ibibitin ko kayo patiwarik.



2. Buti nagdecide kayong isama ako sa beach week after next, baka mabaliw nako. Wala lang sanang talks about work.


3. Sorry for not giving you much of my time.


4. Don't think na you're just a meantime friend. You're my bestbud, no matter what.


5. You've done so much for me possibly more than most of my friends have in 4yrs. Don't think I don't value that. I may be quite inconsistent, but I never really left or even changed. I'm still me.


6. No. No. No. No, in all accounts of whatever accusation. I've never done those, I just hope you make that clear to your friends I don’t want them condemning me for something I didn’t do.


7. I'll pray for your happiness as well.
8. Green makes my heart skip a beat.


9. Papayat din ako mokong ka!


10. Ang stressful mo lang talaga katrabaho. Sa totoo lang.


11. Gusto kong mag picnic. Sorry kung lagi akong nagcacancel or di sumisipot sa lakad.


12. I wanna travel. As in TRAVEL not for work pero for vacation!


13. Walang aarte arte sa cebu ha. Kelangan lahat cowboy.


14. You deleted me first in twitter. Discovered it only when I needed to confront you with your tweets. But since you feigned nonchalance, I decided to delete you nalng lest I'm the one who gets stressed out.


15. It doesn't mean na easy easy lang itsura ko na madali lang sakin ang lahat. Magaling lang ako magdala.


16. Wag nyo ako aawayin, wala akong energy makipag away. Really. Ask my friends, I'm not good with confrontations, iyakin ako.


17. Natali nako sa project mo, ipadala mo ulit ako sa Paris pls!


18. Pagnalaman kong ginagago moko bubugbugin kita. Ur risks are not as big as mine. business deal yan diba?


19. You deserve the best.


20. Mahal Kita. Sigurado ako.

21. Happy mother's day po.

Master Card

Purchases are usually like that – you run after the stocks and pay from your own purse. Or in some instances, you swipe your card from your purse and other people chase you for it.

In life we make a lot of purchases. Not necessarily things that you buy off a window, but it could be things introduced to your life, wanted it or not, good or bad. And with whatever “purchase” you make, you’d have to pay for it one way or another.

I’ve had my own share of “purchases.” Some are personal choices, others brought about by circumstances. But what amazes me is how most of them aren’t truly paid for by me.

Sure, I try to purchase provisions for my family, paying for it by working hard and trying to be efficient no matter how toxic I get. I climb up the medical-corporate ladder at the expense of my time, effort, sanity and sleep. Just a crack at my goal, that one big break is is given but at the expense of health. But as the basic law of physics would tell you, there is always a reaction for every action. Karma. Next thing you know you’re in a ditch where efforts of climbing out is futile.

But what I notice in all these purchases is God’s hand and how things work towards a common end. It’s never really to dig a hole for you six feet beneath the ground, but to dig a tunnel for you to crawl yourself out of in the end. It’s like an irritating alarm clock, stirring you up from your deep slumber. You half heartedly open your eyes, squinting at it and realizing that you have to rise up from your bed.

Karma launches its missiles and shoots ammunitions gearing to blow you up into pieces, broken and helpless. God’s hand patches you back together, renewed and wiser, aiming to bring you back to glory like nothing has happened. They say karma collects, but in reality, you only experience the payment, God reimburses you afterwards.

Like that time when I had a car accident. The car tumbled down below a bridge and declared a total wreck. But I came out of it unharmed with just a few scratches. A week or two later, the insurance got approved and I got a new car. Lessons from that incident made me change some things.

Just recently I got sick. The bills shot up to 90K like I just had a C-section. I didn’t have a local health card so I did what I had to do – pay all of it with the money I was saving for a rainy day. So I did what I had to do – pay the bill with the money I have been saving for a raining day. A week later, HR asked me to sign some forms and lo and behlold! Eight weeks later, almost the whole amount was reimbursed back to me.

(Side thought: Funny, though, because it felt like all the money I worked hard and saved for while having little to no regard for health just went to getting my health back.)

Thus I realize I really can’t be all too proud of any of my achievements in life or even my victories from dire situations. For all of my successes were from His blessings, easily taken away from me if He so wanted it. For all of my victories were not from my own efforts, but from His mercies, given despite my unworthiness.

With most things, I pay it all with my life’s card. But I realize in the end it is really not of my own debit card. It’s from my Master’s card.

There are some things money can buy. For everything else, there’s Master’s card.

Side note: Just take note, cards sometimes get rejected. We can’t always have them like licenses to be wild and make mistakes.

Playing pretend

Be careful of what you pretend to be
you are what you pretend to be
- Kurt Vonnegut

But what if you're me,
cannot see which is real or which is pretend
but I guess I am what I pretend to be,
and all those things added in the blend.
yeah, o schizo me.

-------------------------------------

Sometimes I ask myself, am I (this) good (person) pretending to be bad, or bad pretending to be good. Or maybe both. There's always a bad side in all of us afterall.

Boredom and waiting for a late research assistant does this to you.

Healing

We all have something to forgive ourselves for,

aside from that which we need to ask forgiveness from others.

Dad's new cirlce

When I was a kid,
my dad would go out with his douche bag businessmen buddies,
and come home drunk.

Then his business went down.

Five years after,
he goes out with with drivers and yayas,
and came home wise.

There's something about the humbling of Naaman that reminds me of my dad. That sometimes, even great men forget to be humble, circumstances teach them things and they find wisdom in the most unlikely places.

Limang klase ng kaibigan na kelangan ng Freshies

image source

Lumabas na ang UPCAT results:

http://upcat.up.edu.ph/results/


Lumabas na din UST results:
http://myuste.ust.edu.ph:8888/admission/results.jsp


Lumabas na din La Salle results:
http://www.dlsu.edu.ph/admissions/undergraduate/entrance.asp


Kaya, may payo ang opismate ko sa mga freshies? Para maka-survive ka sa college, kelangan makahanap ka ng limang (5) klase ng mga kaibigan. Madalas, sa pagbuo ng isang barkada, ito ang mga dapat isaalang-alang. Pwedeng overlapping ang roles, pero dapat lahat ng lima na un ma-satisfy. Para sa kahit anong pagsubok, makaya mo sa loob ng kolehiyo.


Una.


Ang Kaibigang dikit. Sya ung lagi mong kasama sa lakwatsa, sa kalokohan. Sya ung una mong napapagsabihan ng sikreto.


Pangalwa.


Ang katabi mong nagpapakopya. Sya ung pag di mo nagawa ang assignments mo, sya ung maasahan mo na magpakopya sayo. Sya din ung sa tuwing exams, willing ipakita at igilid ang papel nya para makita mo. Sya din ung minsang napapasahan mo ng sulat sa crush mo sa kabilang row. Pero tandaan, hindi lahat ng nagpapakopya matalino (refer to pangatlo). Madalas, sila lang ung maloloko.


Pangatlo.


Ang matalino na pwede kang turuan. Konektado ito sa pangalawa. Pero hindi kasi lahat nagpapakopya, at hindi lahat ng nagpapakopya matalino. Pero mas madali kung may isang matalino na bago mo pa man kailanganing kumopya, ay willing ka muna turuan. Sya ung namumuno ng group reviews. Sya ung achiever. Sya ung laging may medalya.


Pang apat.


Mayamang nanlilibre. Ito ang di pwede mawala. Pano na sa lakwatsa, kailangan may lagging taya. Sya ung napapagutangan mo pag nagamit mo na lahat ng allowance mo pero kailangan mo pang magbayad ng photocopy. Madalas idadamay ka na din nya sa photocopy.

At Pang Lima.


Ang utusan. Kung may di pwede mawala, sya naman ang di pwede maiwan. Sya ung taga bitbit. Taga bili ng merienda. Taga sulat minsan tapos iphophotocopy ng lahat. taga bili ng materials sa projects.


Kung wala ka naman sa skwelahan, pwede mo pa din ito pag pulutan ng aral sa pag buo ng barkada mo.


O kung may barkada ka man ngayon… alin ka dito?